Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Pillow talk

You know you're married to an AVG (avid video gamer) when he reads to you from Game Informer as you drift off to sleep.  You know you're a VGV (video game voyeur) when you grab the mag away from him to see for yourself.

This was the case the other night when my husband revealed "Michael Phelps: Push the Limit" was coming out for the 360 in the fall.  My response: Do you swim in first person or Speedo view? 

You yell "boost" to get an edge.  You hype the crowd by moving wildly.  You actually bend over to dive in.  You flail your arms to finish first.  Clearly, you need to be Richard Simmons to play this game.     

Now for a round of "would you rather..."

Would you rather watch your husband ride in Richard Simmons's sidecar or watch him play Michael Phelps?
Would you rather watch your husband give Richard Simmons a piggy back or watch him play Michael Phelps?
Would you rather watch your husband hold hands and skip with Richard Simmons or watch him play Michael Phelps?

These are tough choices.  I would love to watch them all.  But I choose Michael Phelps.  Start shaving, honey...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Top 9 reasons why I watch video games

Top 10 lists are overdone and overrated, but Top 9 lists are the wave of the future.  How do I know?  The number 9 is way more sexy than the number 10.  Here is the first of my Top 9's for your pleasure:

Top 9 Reasons Why I Watch Video Games

9. The learning curve is too fracking frustrating to play
8. My husband looks particularly alluring in the video game playing position (approximately two inches of tush on the cushion, elbows on well spread knees, neck stretched as far forward as humanely possible, brow furrowed, lips pursed).
7. Who needs illegal substances when there is Mario Galaxy?
6. I am considering a career as a blue healing mage sprite pixy fairy
5. The "Assassin" looks fantastic perched on a spire and can fly like an eagle even though his "Creed" may be a bit questionable.
4. Coordinating camouflage
3. For the articles...right boys?
2. It's my living room too, I might as well "bust on some fools while we here."
1. My husband appreciates it.  I ask him questions.  He feels cool.  Kind of like when we watch football.  He asks me questions.  I feel cool.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

We're gonna have a good time

My birthday is coming up and I am throwing myself a big party.  Call me old fashioned, but we will neither play nor watch any video games at this gathering.  I believe we will still manage to have some fun.

My husband's birthday is coming up in a few months.  We will not be throwing him a big party so I want to be sure to mark the occasion appropriately.  Brainstorming has begun.

I know something he would really like: a PS3.

His console coveting has slowed down.  He waited in line all night to buy a PS2.  He drove all around Baltimore to find a Game Cube the day after it launched.  He nearly froze to death at the midnight release for the Wii.  He settled on a 360 after the second time around.  But he has only ever talked about a PS3.

Now, despite my "involvement" with video games I have never bought my husband anything video game related.  It is a line I have chosen not to cross.  It works for us.  However, I am willing to cross that line to ensure my husband's fourth decade is more pleasurable than his third.  The dilemma I am really facing is that if he owns a PS3 it pretty much guarantees he will play Battlefield 3.  

I just can't get into watching these schizophrenic, sensory overload, run around and shoot like its a penny a round, first person shooters.  I hide my face behind my Real Simple.  Bathing to Black Ops is not relaxing.  I long for simpler, quieter times.  I miss Rainbow Six Vegas 2.

I would lie on the couch, curled behind my husband.  I would wear the headset.  Not only did I get to bark orders to our friends, I got the dish on their new girlfriends.  I had a purpose.  I was comfortable.

So, I don't know.  I am just glad my husband also plays games like Puzzle Quest.  If he wants a PS3 as much as I think he does perhaps I will break down and buy it for him.  BF3 is coming out for the 360 anyway.  Maybe love is Battlefield.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Come peep with me

I live a typical life for a woman of my generation.  I own a home, two cars and a dog.  I have 2 young children.  My husband is an avid video gamer.

I never owned a video game console.  But now, thanks to nuptial law, I own all of Nintendo's systems, a PS1, a PS2 and a 360.  I respect my spouse's interests.  Though I willingly pick up his Wii-mote, I am not a player.  I use the 360 to stream Netflix and watch DVDs.  I have a gamertag, but no gamerscore.   

I have observed a lot about video gaming over the years.  Last night I learned that "you're giant", "just tap that", "whatever you have I don't want it" and "I want to hit you with my huge baseball bat" are common things to exclaim while playing Super Smash Bros. with your buddy.  I also learned I might need to be jealous of Samus.

Video gaming is a big part of my husband's life and therefore a big part of mine.  He works hard and loves us very much.  He even kind of watched Gilmore Girls with me today.  In return I can accept that our peaceful evenings may play out to the sounds of zombies being shot at from close range.

So, in part, this blog is for him.  Happy Father's Day, baby.  I hope you like it too.