Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dude looks like a lady

A few posts back I stated that my husband often played video games as a girl.  No, he does not dress in drag and wield a controller.  Yes, he often chooses to play through a video game as a female character.  For awhile I was curious and a bit concerned.  What did it mean?  What did it say about him?  About us?

In short, more important questions have come to consume my mind (like, "how do I discipline my two year old?" and "should I paint my toenails purple or turquoise?") so it has been awhile since I bothered to reconsider this spousal quirk.  But, since it came up in an earlier entry, I thought it was high time I got the cold, hard facts on cross-gaming.  Here is the transcript of my interview with my husband (don't worry I plan to keep my day job):

In games where you have the choice, will you always choose to play as a female?
No, but I often will.  

Basically, it comes down to what you want to look at for hours on end.  The female characters are hot.  And I get to dress her however I want.

Oh.  Do you want to dress me however you want?
I like when you wear skirts.

I am wearing a skirt right now.  Do you like it?
If you were a video game character I would play as you.

Because you like looking at my butt in a skirt?
Something like that.

Ok, ok, back to being serious. Would you consider yourself a male lesbian?
This was your serious question? 

I am trying to get at the hidden truth behind cross-gaming.
I am a man.  I like to look at women.  That's it.  Simple.

Yes, yes, men are simple.  
Is the game play any different as a chick?
No, unless it has something to do with being that specific character.  In Borderlands, for example, I played through the game as all four characters, only one of whom was a girl.  They all had different abilities which changed the experience. In Mass Effect, I played as a female character, but I could choose to hit on women to further the story cause hitting on guys, even as a girl is...

Uh huh.  I see.  Cool.  I'm gonna go get a beer.  Do you want a beer?
That's it?

Yeah, that's it.  You're not video game gay.  I get it.  I'm satisfied.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Top 9 games to watch

I repeat: top 10 lists are overrated.  Top 9 lists are how I roll.  And, to throw another number into the mix, my husband and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage.  Happy Anniversary, baby.  Here are the top 9 games (in no particular order) I have watched over those (and a few more) years:

1. The Resident Evil Series - Neither my husband nor I can remember exactly which installments of this game series I have watched.  All I know is that these games give me just enough tingle.  They are psych-yourself-out scary.  This may be where my video game voyeurism began, in a dark dorm room, with about 12 other students, laughing at the gamer who just peed himself.  

2. World of Goo - simple, but awesome.  You manipulate goo for pete's sake!  I was pregnant for the first time when this came out.  It was about all my brain could handle.  It was soothing in its "mesmerization." 

3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - I know this game should offend me, but it does not.  Sometimes I even felt bad for Carl.  His life (and his woman) was no picnic.   

4. Puzzle Quest - watching this game was almost romantic.  I would curl up on the couch behind my husband while he played.  We would listen to The National over the game's goofy soundtrack and unwind.  I would help him find groups of four gems.  I would state that he was "victorious!" when he defeated the enemy. 

5. Rainbow Six Vegas 2 - As I mentioned before, this was a first person shooter I could get behind.  It had class.  I watched the co-op mode of this game almost every night for awhile.  I even learned the cheap places you could stand to take out a dozen guys as they came down the ladder.   

6. Burnout - Mostly I just liked watching the part where you strategically launch your vehicle in the air so that it would crash into as many tankers as possible, blowing up as many other cars as possible in order to gracefully slide through the icon that would blow you up yet again so you could get "times 4" points.  Yeehaa!

7. Shadow of the Colossus - Epic.  Even though the hand grip timer gave me anxiety attacks similar to middle school gym class, I always loved watching this game.  I enjoyed the hunt for the glowing weak spots atop the huge hairy beasts.  Stab on.  

8. The "mount her" fighting game - I can't recall the name of this game and I am too lazy to find out.  During fights, the narrator constantly chants "counter," but it sounds like "mount her" and it cracks me up every time.  Fighting games are fun to watch in general.  The outfits and character names alone make it worthwhile.

9. Super Mario Bros. - A few football seasons ago, my Baltimore Ravens lost a playoff game to Indy.  Everyone who gathered for our viewing party almost left completely distraught.  Thankfully, two friends busted out the Wii to play the original version of Super Mario Bros. to close out the night.  We all rooted them on, shrieking at the near deaths (those enemies are ruthless in their strolling along).  When they beat the entire game by the skin of their teeth we all felt somehow justified.  And satisfied.

I hope you enjoyed my list.  Now tell me...what do YOU like to watch...

Friday, July 8, 2011

Preach it, brother

The Battlefield fans are restless.  I believe it bothers them deeply that I have my doubts.  One particular friend of mine, who I will refer to as snowjumpstump (SJS), was moved to message me, 

"i think you and i should have a sit down
about the merits of battlefield bad company 2 
and why that game has helped shape battlefield 3
and how AWESOME it's going to be!"

You have to admire his conviction.  I just can't get into watching games like this, Call of Duty, etc. 

Our conversation went on to conjure up the idea of me watching him and his buddies play.  Surely, I would then be converted.  An added bonus: I could see a PS3 perform and finally decide to buy one for the hubs.   

This was exciting.  I was being wooed by another.  But then, wouldn't it be cheating if I watched another man play?  SJS is a happily married AVG (avid video gamer) to a beautiful VGV (video game voyeur) of his own.  Even in the name of Battlefield one would have to be mad to belittle such bliss.

We came to our senses.  SJS would simply bring his PS3 to my place.  He would play with my husband, therefore making it fully acceptable for me to watch.  Kinky...

In seriousness, the challenge is on.  SJS has proclaimed his mission to bring me to Battlefield.  I appreciate his concern for my voyeuristic soul.  Really, I think he just wants to convince me to buy my husband a PS3 and BF3 so they can play online.

The new game launches in 102 days.  Fellow fans: start praying.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hear me meow

I had a lovely holiday weekend at home.  One of the nights, my husband grilled a succulent salmon for our dinner.  He chilled white wine and brought the laptop to the table to play some music.  Soon after we finished eating he pulled up an online list of the best upcoming 360 games.  How romantic.

I suppose it was thoughtful of him to give me the heads up on what I will be watching (and you will be reading).  He thought I might need blog fodder.  Blog fodder.  That sounds naughty...or Irish.  I'll blog your fodder.

Anyway, here is a recap of our "intimate" dinner conversation:

Gears of War 3 is coming out in September.  All I remember about the previous game is the chainsaw gun.  Time to "gear" up for some more quality hacking.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Battlefield 3 will be launching soon.  I'll reluctantly give it a chance.  Maybe the dudes in this game will have better butts than the competition.  

Saints Row: The Third is certain to hit my house in early January.  Helping my husband skank out his female figure (he often plays as a girl...more on this in a future post) equals Happy New Years to me.

Other games I am sure I will watch include: Mass Effect 3, BioShock Infinite and Assassin's Creed Revelations.  I particularly like watching Assassin's Creed, but since the current game just made my husband grumble, "what do these people want from me?" I am assuming this one might be further down on his mental gotta game list.

Finally, and really all of this to say, Batman: Arkham City is coming out in just a few short months.  We women typically turn to Cosmo or People to discover how to lure a man.  We have been sorely misguided.  What a man wants is Catwoman.  I intend to live vicariously through her.  I invite you to join me.  Hear me meow.