Thursday, November 17, 2011

What I got

I feel like crap.  I am tired.  I feel run down.  Dinner is not sitting quite right.  And I think I am getting another cold.  I am already curled up on the couch in my pj's dozing off.  I can barely keep my eyes open.  As my grandmother used to say, "they are like two pee holes in the snow."  But, for some reason I keep glancing at the TV.  My husband is playing the new Saints Row.

The irony is not lost on me.  Here I am, a complete blob on the couch, looking like I've been run over, feeling like I just snorted a jar of preschool paste and my husband is manipulating his sexy and scantily clad Saints character as she hangs out of a helicopter like the goddess of gang.

Her name is Rosalita.  He went for a sporty Hispanic spice theme when he created her in the Saints Row Initiation Station days before the game even launched.  Her hair is so black it shines blue and her boobs are so big I get a little embarrassed when I find myself staring at them.  He dressed her in tight black leggings, a tiny bandeau top and a cropped red jacket.  She has a lower back tattoo. 

I hate Rosalita, but I can't stop watching Saints Row.  When it rains there, the streets glisten.  Maybe if I fall asleep here on the couch I will be transported to Steelport where all my wildest dreams will come true.  Purple is my favorite color. 

Or, maybe I should just go upstairs, take NyQuil, and pass out on my bed like a sensible person. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Delay of game

My husband and I have a deal.  He can buy as many video games as he wants as long as he can afford them.  "Afford them," you ask, "aren't you a kept woman?  Doesn't he bring home all the bacon?"

Yes, yes he does.  Like a 50's housewife I get a monthly allowance.  Like a man of the new millennium he does too.

My fun money falls by the wayside at Starbucks and Panera and Dunkin' Donuts and on the occasional girls night out.  Clearly, I am motivated by coffee and food.  His tab is run up at Game Stop and Game Stop and Game Stop and Banana Republic.  He is motivated by video games and sweaters.

So tonight, when I returned from an aforementioned girls night out, I did not find my husband playing Saints Row: The Third as I fully expected.  Instead, I found him Sky-riming it up yet again.  (I hear you can play that game for infinity or some such frame of time.)

He seemed to be enjoying himself.  I certainly enjoyed my evening.  Burgers and beer at a local joint where, if you want, you can ask them to put peanut butter on your buns.  (The buns of your burger, people, the buns of your burger.) Though, the latter suggestion almost seems to make more sense.  

Long story short, the hubs is tapped out.  He has no money left.  His sad copy of Saints Row is sitting lonely in a Game Stop somewhere and he is too broke to buy.  There have just been too many good games to get.  Video game launch season is taking it out of everyone in every way.  Spending is way up (not mine, just his) marriages are disintegrating (not mine again) and children are being ignored (again, not mine, of course), but we might just come out of this recession yet.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Lay eggs, much?

The voyeur is trying something new.  I am actually blogging while I watch.  Revolutionary, I know.

As I type, my husband is playing Modern Warfare 3 with both the TV audio and his headphones on.  I have been told that, yes, he is also listening to the game through the headphones and that, yes, he knows how silly this must seem. 

I like watching the game more than Battlefield 3, but probably only because I am familiar with the Call of Duty family of games.  Can I refer to a series of games as a family?  Or is that too domestic of me?  I will try to turn down the estrogen just a bit.  This is a very manly moment after all.

I will try to talk to my husband anyway:

So, honey, why are you listening to the game in this seemingly redundant way?
well,, can hear the game some.  I don't want you to be completely left out.  And, then uh, plus, uh I can turn it on as loud I want.  <geeked out grin>

Is it difficult for you to talk to me and play at the same time?
<shakes head, lifts one headphone off ear a tiny bit>
I'll probably turn it down some.  (does not turn it down.  I step away.)

Hmm, I have just returned to the video game viewing room and it seems my husband is now playing Skyrim.  In the time that it took me to clear my dinner dishes (leftover barbeque chicken, raw broccoli with ranch dressing and I know how to rock the five food groups or what?) he has switched over to roll playing game mode.  The headphones are neatly holstered and his feet are up on the couch.  Roll playing games such as Skyrim do not require the intense video game playing position.  Did he dim the lights??

Furthermore, what is a Skyrim any way?  It sounds like a step below the mile high club. 

So, as I have intimated, there is a lot of video gaming going on 'round here.  'Tis the season.  Battlefield 3, Modern Warfare 3, Arkham City, and Skyrim have all graced our console this week with the new Saints Row on its way, stay tuned.  I can't say that I mind especially after that stupid game my stupid Ravens just played.

Don't get me wrong, I am no hater.  I am still a true fan.  But, if a cheeseburger makes me throw up I have the right to call it a stupid cheeseburger no matter how faithful I am to cheeseburgers.  Can I get an amen?