Saturday, December 24, 2011

Have yourself a merry little

Our children are nestled, all snug in their beds, as we the parents, drink champagne and let it go to our heads.

As I type, my husband is assembling his childhood train set in front of our Christmas tree as a gift for our eldest.  Because he loves me (and you, too) he first created the official 30 day writing challenge list for your viewing pleasure.  It should come to no surprise to you that in order to accomplish this task he created a spreadsheet complete with a column that tallied how many entries he had chosen (x for yes, m for maybe.)  Apparently, he can not otherwise count to 30.    

Thank you for all of your fabulous ideas.  I received nearly twice as many as I needed and this resulted in some tough decisions.  They were all enticing ideas that I may just save for later anyway.

And so, without further adieu, I present my Christmas gift to you.  Here, in a very specific order, are the voyeur's blog topics for January:

1.If I were a video game, which would I be and why
2.How my husband survived a week without his 360
3.What early childhood game does the hubs remember
4.Food or cake related video game
5.Gameplay vs graphics
6.Does anyone play pong, below the root, or tetris>
8.Do you miss softball
9.Gamer personality (do you define the game/gaming preference? ...does the game/gaming preference define you?)
10.Top 10 hottest video game chicks to play as
11.Laundry Achievement Points.
13.Interview voyeurs and compare experiences
14.Your dream video game
15.Voice acting (or attempting)
16.How I put too much pressure on myself
18."There's an app for that"
19.Mobile gaming
20.Potty Training
22.How good are the stories/ plot in games you watch - any attachment to  the story?
23.Mini/micro vans
24.Matthew's birthday
25.My girls in 10 years
26.Back when I was in college
27.Food pairings with video games
28.Video game impaired
29.Stupid hot girls on G4
30.Gamer dads

And now, back to my carpet picnic and champagne.

Merry Merry.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

30 Day Writing Challenge

Ok, folks, I need you.

In an attempt to rejuvenate I am embarking on an adventure.  I am not one for new year resolutions, but come January 1 I plan to blog once a day for 30 days.  The self inflicted rules are as follows:

1. Write one blog entry for this site each day for the first 30 days in January 2012.
2. Each entry must be at least 200 words and posted by midnight that day.
3. Each entry must be written based on a single word or phrase prompt.
4. The prompts will be chosen from suggestions from the blog's beloved readers.
5. The order of the entries will be designed by the hubs and publicized via this blog on December 24 (My Christmas gift to you).
6. Though the daily theme does not need to be video game related, each entry must be written in the style of the video game voyeur (random, saucy and kinda sorta funny).
7. The daily blog title will feature the prompt and the person who submitted it. 
8. Each blog will be shared on both Facebook and Twitter at the time of posting.
9. This endeavor will officially conclude on January 31 at the CurlyRed 5 year anniversary party where girl power will be fully celebrated.

So, as I said, I need you.  Please send me your blog theme suggestions as soon as you feel moved.  You can leave them as a comment here, there, or basically anywhere.  If you need inspiration, there are many 30 day challenge lists online.  The first list I saw was for photography and was what inspired me to take this journey to improve my art.  Since talking (I mean writing) is my thing, I am adapting the idea and making the challenge my own.  Help me create a unique one, one that you will also enjoy.

In video game related news: my husband bet Arkham City, is STILL playing Skyrim and spent at least 20 minutes tonight discussing games in which he had to blow into his handheld system.  Thrilling, I know.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

What I got

I feel like crap.  I am tired.  I feel run down.  Dinner is not sitting quite right.  And I think I am getting another cold.  I am already curled up on the couch in my pj's dozing off.  I can barely keep my eyes open.  As my grandmother used to say, "they are like two pee holes in the snow."  But, for some reason I keep glancing at the TV.  My husband is playing the new Saints Row.

The irony is not lost on me.  Here I am, a complete blob on the couch, looking like I've been run over, feeling like I just snorted a jar of preschool paste and my husband is manipulating his sexy and scantily clad Saints character as she hangs out of a helicopter like the goddess of gang.

Her name is Rosalita.  He went for a sporty Hispanic spice theme when he created her in the Saints Row Initiation Station days before the game even launched.  Her hair is so black it shines blue and her boobs are so big I get a little embarrassed when I find myself staring at them.  He dressed her in tight black leggings, a tiny bandeau top and a cropped red jacket.  She has a lower back tattoo. 

I hate Rosalita, but I can't stop watching Saints Row.  When it rains there, the streets glisten.  Maybe if I fall asleep here on the couch I will be transported to Steelport where all my wildest dreams will come true.  Purple is my favorite color. 

Or, maybe I should just go upstairs, take NyQuil, and pass out on my bed like a sensible person. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Delay of game

My husband and I have a deal.  He can buy as many video games as he wants as long as he can afford them.  "Afford them," you ask, "aren't you a kept woman?  Doesn't he bring home all the bacon?"

Yes, yes he does.  Like a 50's housewife I get a monthly allowance.  Like a man of the new millennium he does too.

My fun money falls by the wayside at Starbucks and Panera and Dunkin' Donuts and on the occasional girls night out.  Clearly, I am motivated by coffee and food.  His tab is run up at Game Stop and Game Stop and Game Stop and Banana Republic.  He is motivated by video games and sweaters.

So tonight, when I returned from an aforementioned girls night out, I did not find my husband playing Saints Row: The Third as I fully expected.  Instead, I found him Sky-riming it up yet again.  (I hear you can play that game for infinity or some such frame of time.)

He seemed to be enjoying himself.  I certainly enjoyed my evening.  Burgers and beer at a local joint where, if you want, you can ask them to put peanut butter on your buns.  (The buns of your burger, people, the buns of your burger.) Though, the latter suggestion almost seems to make more sense.  

Long story short, the hubs is tapped out.  He has no money left.  His sad copy of Saints Row is sitting lonely in a Game Stop somewhere and he is too broke to buy.  There have just been too many good games to get.  Video game launch season is taking it out of everyone in every way.  Spending is way up (not mine, just his) marriages are disintegrating (not mine again) and children are being ignored (again, not mine, of course), but we might just come out of this recession yet.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Lay eggs, much?

The voyeur is trying something new.  I am actually blogging while I watch.  Revolutionary, I know.

As I type, my husband is playing Modern Warfare 3 with both the TV audio and his headphones on.  I have been told that, yes, he is also listening to the game through the headphones and that, yes, he knows how silly this must seem. 

I like watching the game more than Battlefield 3, but probably only because I am familiar with the Call of Duty family of games.  Can I refer to a series of games as a family?  Or is that too domestic of me?  I will try to turn down the estrogen just a bit.  This is a very manly moment after all.

I will try to talk to my husband anyway:

So, honey, why are you listening to the game in this seemingly redundant way?
well,, can hear the game some.  I don't want you to be completely left out.  And, then uh, plus, uh I can turn it on as loud I want.  <geeked out grin>

Is it difficult for you to talk to me and play at the same time?
<shakes head, lifts one headphone off ear a tiny bit>
I'll probably turn it down some.  (does not turn it down.  I step away.)

Hmm, I have just returned to the video game viewing room and it seems my husband is now playing Skyrim.  In the time that it took me to clear my dinner dishes (leftover barbeque chicken, raw broccoli with ranch dressing and I know how to rock the five food groups or what?) he has switched over to roll playing game mode.  The headphones are neatly holstered and his feet are up on the couch.  Roll playing games such as Skyrim do not require the intense video game playing position.  Did he dim the lights??

Furthermore, what is a Skyrim any way?  It sounds like a step below the mile high club. 

So, as I have intimated, there is a lot of video gaming going on 'round here.  'Tis the season.  Battlefield 3, Modern Warfare 3, Arkham City, and Skyrim have all graced our console this week with the new Saints Row on its way, stay tuned.  I can't say that I mind especially after that stupid game my stupid Ravens just played.

Don't get me wrong, I am no hater.  I am still a true fan.  But, if a cheeseburger makes me throw up I have the right to call it a stupid cheeseburger no matter how faithful I am to cheeseburgers.  Can I get an amen? 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Can you tell me how to get?

I need to lighten up.  I've been in a pretty serious mood lately.  For instance, the other day I discovered my seven month old mesmerized by a television screen lit up with loud, ammunition filled gaming.  I became internally furious immediately.

However, how is this any different than me sitting the same seven month old down in front of some beeping, flashing, spasm inducing baby piano while I read a magazine on the couch?

Well, ok, maybe the guns and the blood...

But to her its all movement and light and sound and baby groovy.  She was being entertained.  She was sitting there for five minutes.  We parents were taking a wee break.  I won't bother to defend our parenting here because if you know us, and most of you do, you know us.  And, if you don't know us, your loss.

Which somehow brings me to Elmo.  My toddler is going to be Elmo for Halloween.  When she asked for this privilege, there was no hesitation.   I actually like Elmo.  So, I was happy to buy my little one the costume from Target and encourage her to pretend to be Elmo while riding her tricycle.

Here is where I hesitate: do I encourage her to "become" Elmo in Once Upon a Monster?

My husband and I don't even own Kinect for the 360 (though I feel its purchase may be imminent).  It's just something I have been thinking about:  Kids (little ones like ours) and gaming. 

While, yes, we should limit the amount of violent gaming our tiny girls witness to virtually none, what about other games, especially those designed for them?  What about Once Upon a Monster?  On one hand, I am excited for my husband to introduce gaming to our eldest.  It would be something for them to share.  It would be a new way to pass a rainy day.  She might even advance her coordination and stimulate her brain.    

On the other hand, I worry it might be too soon.  When she started watching Sesame Street on TV,  I knew there would be no going back, but she was two years old and I knew it was time.  With video games I am not so sure.  Will "playing" Sesame Street be her gateway game?  Will she want to do nothing else?  Are first person shooters next?  Will she become obese?  Depressed?  Sit in dark rooms and fester, full of angst?

As I said, I need to lighten up. 

Kevin Clash, the genius puppeteer behind Elmo, describes the red furry monster as being all about love.  As a parent, I think you can positively share most anything with your children as long as it is done in love.  This includes video games.  And so, I foresee a neon green case (and a Kinect) hung by the chimney with care.  But, for now, Happy Halloween everyone.  Play safe.  Play in love.  Like Elmo.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes...

Marriage changes everything, well, except for one thing.  Marriage does not change who you were before you got married.  This may sound promising to all you negative nuptial nancies out there.  However, all this means is that you were one person before you got married and now you are someone else.

Even if you agree on the correct way to fold socks you now fold your socks in the company of another.  Instead of lounging on your bean bag chair, drooling cup o' noodles on your boxers while rolling socks in front of Family Guy, you will now be relaxing on your duvet, sipping herbal tea in your slippers while rolling socks in front of reality TV.  Life will never be the same.

It will be better.

My husband and I have a dear friend, the best man at our wedding, who, for the sake of this blog I will refer to as "The Raptor".  The Raptor is getting married himself in a few short days.  We are both very excited and, no, not just because those will be our first nights away since baby #2.

Even though he has been accused of being "too cheap to buy, so he only rents and then beats it all weekend" and plays games "shrieking like a schoolgirl", The Raptor is a gamer all the same.  Sadly, there is a double standard when it comes to past times and romantic relationships.  Women can hot glue who knows what to who knows what else until the cows come home, but if a guy wants to play a few video games now and again he is an immature home wrecker.

My husband remains somewhat positive, "The Raptor is getting married.  Hopefully this will translate into more gaming.  Once he started dating his fiance, all his Xbox time went from gaming to 'watching Netflix'.  As I know, 'watching Netflix' tapers off significantly after a few months of marriage."

Another married in his gaming circle feels differently, "The Raptor has moved into the next phase of gaming, which is NOT gaming.  Virtual friendships wither and die, hand-eye coordination takes a turn for the worst, and sniping skills aren't what they used to be.  Bridge club is next."

A third hitched buddy upholds The Raptor's gaming reputation, "He's meticulous, methodical, sneaky, and a little bit blood-thirsty.  He enjoys taking his time and paying attention to detail as long as there is a tempestuous climax.  My advice to him?  Take it to the bedroom."

Sorry Rap, there is a "but."  And here it is... 

"When the honeymoon is over and the dew is off the pumpkin (or something like that), 'gaming' may not be as frequent as you had once thought to be reasonable.  Just remember you can always play with your Game Boy.  Classic fun."

My professional thoughts on the issue?  All married couples have at least one thing to which all their arguments boil down.  Do not make that issue gaming or hot glue.  Yes, two do become one, but the original "ones" do not become none.  Respect eachother's interests and sometimes play together.  Maybe there is money, or enjoyment, or at least a laugh in video game themed crafts, for example.  X and Y button cufflinks anyone?

All this to say,  I am very happy for The Raptor.  He more than deserves all the love and excitement his marriage will undoubtedly bring.  I wish him and his soon to be wife a heap of happiness.  In fact, now that I think about it, I wish them "50 grand peas" worth.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Just another day in paradise

Let me set the scene for you: It's a weekday, say Tuesday, at around 1:30 p.m.  I have successfully orchestrated the day so that the girls are both napping and I have a few minutes to myself to, I don't know, fold laundry and eat lunch.  I decide to watch some Gilmore Girls to unwind.  I approach the 360 and open the tray and then BAM!, like a whammy the Gears of War 3 skull of death icon on the game's disc slaps me in the face. 
So scary.

A similar moment plays out in the evening, say later that same day, at around 8:30 p.m.   My husband and I now, thanks to the little ones sharing a 7:30 bedtime, have the living room to ourselves to, I don't know, play video games and write blogs.  He decides to play some Gears to unwind.  He approaches the 360 and opens the tray and then La la la la la la, there is the beautiful Lauren Graham gazing longingly on the show's disc to bring a smile to his face. 
So sexy.

Life is not fair.

What is fair is that while my husband plays Gears, which is so beautiful it is ugly, he wears his groovy new headset.  While I am no prude, this game has no filter.  It is loud and crass and relentless just like me...wait.

Anyway, as I was saying, the dialogue leaves much to be desired which I suppose may be part of the game's charm.  I do, however, enjoy reading it quite a bit.  See, my husband wears the headset, but the game still shows subtitles.  It is my own personal MST 3000.  I also play, "things you never want to hear your husband say" while I watch.  Examples:

"That was nasty.  Let's move out."
"Yeah, imagine if you had to root around for parts all the time."
"Spread out and keep moving!"


In short, I would rather just listen to this video game on tape, but that is so 1989.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Do your ears hang low?

As I type this, my husband is playing video games AND participating in a conference call for work.  Hot.  That's right ladies...did I mention he is also 6'1"?

In his defense (and I always am), he has worked long hours all week and he is mostly just listening in on the call.  Plus, Gears of War 3 just came out yesterday.  A man's gotta be a man.

I haven't watched much of Gears yet, but I have watched quite a bit of Deus Ex: Human Revolution.  Please forgive me, I couldn't figure out how to make a groovy little triangle on my computer to make the "A" in Human.  Besides, aren't the triangles the bad guys?  This confuses me.

Another fault I have related to this game is my inability to say the game's name correctly.  I insist on calling it "Deuce Ex."  In fact, I don't think I have ever called it anything else.  Despite the fact that it sounds like a laxative, I think I prefer my name.  What the deuce is a "deus" anyway?

I like watching "Deuce."  I especially like when my husband approaches the game all sneaky pete like.  Apparently, that is one of the perks of this game.  It can suit your mood.  If you want to go at it guns a blazin, you can.  Or, if you want to take it slow and try to go unseen you can do that too.  Variety is always a bonus in my book.

This is the first I have seen of Deus Ex.  I look forward to seeing more.  From the look of these "hold" icons the game is well endowed.  And I have heard it can take awhile to load.  Hilarious.  Am I the only one who notices these things?!?

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

You'll shoot your eye out

As you know, I contemplated purchasing a PS3 for my husband for his birthday.  But, I just couldn't go through with it.  It felt wrong.  I don't buy video game consoles.  He doesn't expect me to.  He doesn't buy tampons.  I don't expect him to.  There are lines in a lasting marriage, for Pete's sake. 

So, instead I bought him The Turtle Beach Earforce PX5 Programmable Wireless Headset with a compass in the stock and a thing which tells time.  He likes it.

You may think I am a clever voyeur who deeply understands the needs of her husband, but you would be wrong.  He emailed me a link for the headset with the subject line "options."  I did, however, find it cheaper on Amazon and scored my free two-day Primal Mom shipping.  I put in some effort.  And I wrapped it.  Happy birthday, baby.

The problem is that while my husband attentively sits and plays in absolute Dolby delight, I am relegated to the sidelines.  The game world has opened up for him.  It is fresh, exciting and full of hope.  With each new footstep or gun cock comes a quickening of his heart.  He never knew the game could sound like this.  Ah, love. 

Meanwhile, I sit slumped on the couch, gazing back and forth between him and the game, the game and him.  I try to read his expression, the words on the screen, anything to get a clue of what is going on.  I try to ask a question, make a joke, but it is no use.  He can not hear me.  I take a swig of beer and sigh.  I feel defeated, tossed aside.  Alone.

But just as I rise to tromp upstairs, my husband turns to me and smiles.  "Hey babe," he says a little louder than he probably meant to.  I awkwardly act as if I was merely adjusting my position on the couch.  I smile back.  He slides the earphone closest to me just a bit off the lobe, sends me an air kiss and turns back to the screen.  An invitation.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Top 9 reasons I have not blogged in 3 weeks

9. Beer.
There is always beer in the house, but not MY beer.  I don't need beer to be witty, but it helps.  And motivates.
8. Vacation.
We had a lovely time on Lake George with the extended fam.  However, I feel like I could still use a vacation.  Funny how that works. 
7. Rice cereal.
I forgot how messy and time consuming spoon feeding an infant could be.  And how similar to cement baby rice cereal mixed with formula can become.
6. Hurricane.
We only lost power for 48 hours and thankfully still had hot water.  The true tragedy was that we lost internet and cable for 120 hours.  I am still trembling a bit from the shock.
5. Earthquake.
Ok..., so this contributed in no way to my lack of blogging.  It just seemed like the appropriate follow up to number 6. 
4. The Social Network.
We watched part of this movie before we lost power and then finished it once it was regained.  If this blog isn't going to make me the second youngest billionaire...
3. Elders.
Yup, as in church elders.  I just realized half of the elder team at my church publicly follows my blog and I know another reads it regularly.  Don't worry, this will in no way decrease the sauciness of my posts.  But, it has made me spend valuable blogging time considering whether or not to move to a church with more mature leadership.
2. Candlelight.
Yes, I know I already mentioned the blackout.  But, the candlelight left a lasting impression.  At first, my husband and I played a game of Scrabble to pass the time.  Then we played "a game of Scrabble" to pass the time.  (eh hem) "Scrabble" by candlelight is a lost art.  Even after the power returned we chose "Scrabble." 
1. The hubs
You may gasp and ask, how could this be?!?!  How could my AVG be the reason for my blogglessness?  Well, frankly, he hasn't been gaming with any regularity.  Please refer to numbers 8, 7, 6, 5 and 2.  and 2 again.  and 2 again.  and...


Thursday, August 11, 2011

I smell sex and candy

My husband became acutely concerned by my stated lack of voyeuring.  The very next day he traded in several games for several others, one of which is Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga.  He has seemingly been playing it nonstop since.

I am a Lego game virgin.  Shocking, I know.  And I call myself a video game voyeur...

In short, I like it.  It's cute.  Plus, there is nothing like a video game with a killer epic soundtrack.  I suppose it's not the manliest game my husband could play, but he has no need to compensate.  You should see his stud total.

I don't know much about Lego's or Star Wars for that matter, but I appreciate the fabulous geek concoction this game creates.  My husband seems to enjoy drinking it all in and that makes me happy.  I am pretty sure this game was born out of male adolescent fantasy in the way "Pink Elephants on Parade" was born out of an acid trip.  

My favorite aspect of the game are the Jedi characters because they look like little white and milk chocolate bites of deliciousness.  Hersheypark's Chocolate World taught me that the best chocolate should look smooth, velvety and shiny just like computer generated Lego plastic.  Yum.  If anyone out there dabbles in confections please make chocolate Lego people.  And send me some.  Now.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Betcha think this blog is about you

So, I haven't been voyeuring much lately. 

I've been stressed out.  Our two year old is potty training, our baby is, well, only four months old and our dog was attacked by another dog and had minor surgery.  Some days I am trying to nurse a crying infant at the same time my two year old needs help in the bathroom at the same time my dog is dripping dog bite ooze onto the floor.  <sigh>

I was also out of town for a bit.  My husband played hours of games while I was gone and triumphantly beat Assassins Creed: Brotherhood.  I was not there to witness it.  I do feel, however, I was responsible for his victory.  A few days before I left I figured out a puzzle he could not.  There was much rejoicing.  I may or may not have air humped the TV.

My husband is currently playing Bastion, a downloadable for the 360.  Initially, I thought it would be a good watch.  It is not.  The action is all boring and role-playing like.  Basically, all you do is walk around and collect "shards."  I live in Baltimore City.  I can collect shards on my front side walk.

I do like the way the backgrounds are drawn even though there is always random stuff floating around like snow or leaves or dust or something.  The sultry voiced narrator is a neat way to reveal the story, but he takes the fun out of it for me.  He does what I like to do: dole out witty play by play. 

When asked to review Bastion in five words, my husband said, "Storytelling makes good game better."  Apparently he prefers the narrator's commentary over mine.  <sigh again>

Have you ever done that thing where you drink some milk, hold it in your mouth, add chocolate syrup and the "swishle" it around?  I haven't either, but I just whooshed my beer around in my mouth as I contemplated what to write next and it reminded me of that.  I think I saw someone do it on an episode of Full House once.  On Gilmore Girls, Lorelai adds ranch dressing directly to a salad mix, jostles it and then eats it right out of the bag with a fork.  That one I have tried.  It's genius.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Dude looks like a lady

A few posts back I stated that my husband often played video games as a girl.  No, he does not dress in drag and wield a controller.  Yes, he often chooses to play through a video game as a female character.  For awhile I was curious and a bit concerned.  What did it mean?  What did it say about him?  About us?

In short, more important questions have come to consume my mind (like, "how do I discipline my two year old?" and "should I paint my toenails purple or turquoise?") so it has been awhile since I bothered to reconsider this spousal quirk.  But, since it came up in an earlier entry, I thought it was high time I got the cold, hard facts on cross-gaming.  Here is the transcript of my interview with my husband (don't worry I plan to keep my day job):

In games where you have the choice, will you always choose to play as a female?
No, but I often will.  

Basically, it comes down to what you want to look at for hours on end.  The female characters are hot.  And I get to dress her however I want.

Oh.  Do you want to dress me however you want?
I like when you wear skirts.

I am wearing a skirt right now.  Do you like it?
If you were a video game character I would play as you.

Because you like looking at my butt in a skirt?
Something like that.

Ok, ok, back to being serious. Would you consider yourself a male lesbian?
This was your serious question? 

I am trying to get at the hidden truth behind cross-gaming.
I am a man.  I like to look at women.  That's it.  Simple.

Yes, yes, men are simple.  
Is the game play any different as a chick?
No, unless it has something to do with being that specific character.  In Borderlands, for example, I played through the game as all four characters, only one of whom was a girl.  They all had different abilities which changed the experience. In Mass Effect, I played as a female character, but I could choose to hit on women to further the story cause hitting on guys, even as a girl is...

Uh huh.  I see.  Cool.  I'm gonna go get a beer.  Do you want a beer?
That's it?

Yeah, that's it.  You're not video game gay.  I get it.  I'm satisfied.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Top 9 games to watch

I repeat: top 10 lists are overrated.  Top 9 lists are how I roll.  And, to throw another number into the mix, my husband and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage.  Happy Anniversary, baby.  Here are the top 9 games (in no particular order) I have watched over those (and a few more) years:

1. The Resident Evil Series - Neither my husband nor I can remember exactly which installments of this game series I have watched.  All I know is that these games give me just enough tingle.  They are psych-yourself-out scary.  This may be where my video game voyeurism began, in a dark dorm room, with about 12 other students, laughing at the gamer who just peed himself.  

2. World of Goo - simple, but awesome.  You manipulate goo for pete's sake!  I was pregnant for the first time when this came out.  It was about all my brain could handle.  It was soothing in its "mesmerization." 

3. Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas - I know this game should offend me, but it does not.  Sometimes I even felt bad for Carl.  His life (and his woman) was no picnic.   

4. Puzzle Quest - watching this game was almost romantic.  I would curl up on the couch behind my husband while he played.  We would listen to The National over the game's goofy soundtrack and unwind.  I would help him find groups of four gems.  I would state that he was "victorious!" when he defeated the enemy. 

5. Rainbow Six Vegas 2 - As I mentioned before, this was a first person shooter I could get behind.  It had class.  I watched the co-op mode of this game almost every night for awhile.  I even learned the cheap places you could stand to take out a dozen guys as they came down the ladder.   

6. Burnout - Mostly I just liked watching the part where you strategically launch your vehicle in the air so that it would crash into as many tankers as possible, blowing up as many other cars as possible in order to gracefully slide through the icon that would blow you up yet again so you could get "times 4" points.  Yeehaa!

7. Shadow of the Colossus - Epic.  Even though the hand grip timer gave me anxiety attacks similar to middle school gym class, I always loved watching this game.  I enjoyed the hunt for the glowing weak spots atop the huge hairy beasts.  Stab on.  

8. The "mount her" fighting game - I can't recall the name of this game and I am too lazy to find out.  During fights, the narrator constantly chants "counter," but it sounds like "mount her" and it cracks me up every time.  Fighting games are fun to watch in general.  The outfits and character names alone make it worthwhile.

9. Super Mario Bros. - A few football seasons ago, my Baltimore Ravens lost a playoff game to Indy.  Everyone who gathered for our viewing party almost left completely distraught.  Thankfully, two friends busted out the Wii to play the original version of Super Mario Bros. to close out the night.  We all rooted them on, shrieking at the near deaths (those enemies are ruthless in their strolling along).  When they beat the entire game by the skin of their teeth we all felt somehow justified.  And satisfied.

I hope you enjoyed my list.  Now tell me...what do YOU like to watch...

Friday, July 8, 2011

Preach it, brother

The Battlefield fans are restless.  I believe it bothers them deeply that I have my doubts.  One particular friend of mine, who I will refer to as snowjumpstump (SJS), was moved to message me, 

"i think you and i should have a sit down
about the merits of battlefield bad company 2 
and why that game has helped shape battlefield 3
and how AWESOME it's going to be!"

You have to admire his conviction.  I just can't get into watching games like this, Call of Duty, etc. 

Our conversation went on to conjure up the idea of me watching him and his buddies play.  Surely, I would then be converted.  An added bonus: I could see a PS3 perform and finally decide to buy one for the hubs.   

This was exciting.  I was being wooed by another.  But then, wouldn't it be cheating if I watched another man play?  SJS is a happily married AVG (avid video gamer) to a beautiful VGV (video game voyeur) of his own.  Even in the name of Battlefield one would have to be mad to belittle such bliss.

We came to our senses.  SJS would simply bring his PS3 to my place.  He would play with my husband, therefore making it fully acceptable for me to watch.  Kinky...

In seriousness, the challenge is on.  SJS has proclaimed his mission to bring me to Battlefield.  I appreciate his concern for my voyeuristic soul.  Really, I think he just wants to convince me to buy my husband a PS3 and BF3 so they can play online.

The new game launches in 102 days.  Fellow fans: start praying.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Hear me meow

I had a lovely holiday weekend at home.  One of the nights, my husband grilled a succulent salmon for our dinner.  He chilled white wine and brought the laptop to the table to play some music.  Soon after we finished eating he pulled up an online list of the best upcoming 360 games.  How romantic.

I suppose it was thoughtful of him to give me the heads up on what I will be watching (and you will be reading).  He thought I might need blog fodder.  Blog fodder.  That sounds naughty...or Irish.  I'll blog your fodder.

Anyway, here is a recap of our "intimate" dinner conversation:

Gears of War 3 is coming out in September.  All I remember about the previous game is the chainsaw gun.  Time to "gear" up for some more quality hacking.

As I mentioned in a previous post, Battlefield 3 will be launching soon.  I'll reluctantly give it a chance.  Maybe the dudes in this game will have better butts than the competition.  

Saints Row: The Third is certain to hit my house in early January.  Helping my husband skank out his female figure (he often plays as a girl...more on this in a future post) equals Happy New Years to me.

Other games I am sure I will watch include: Mass Effect 3, BioShock Infinite and Assassin's Creed Revelations.  I particularly like watching Assassin's Creed, but since the current game just made my husband grumble, "what do these people want from me?" I am assuming this one might be further down on his mental gotta game list.

Finally, and really all of this to say, Batman: Arkham City is coming out in just a few short months.  We women typically turn to Cosmo or People to discover how to lure a man.  We have been sorely misguided.  What a man wants is Catwoman.  I intend to live vicariously through her.  I invite you to join me.  Hear me meow.


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Pillow talk

You know you're married to an AVG (avid video gamer) when he reads to you from Game Informer as you drift off to sleep.  You know you're a VGV (video game voyeur) when you grab the mag away from him to see for yourself.

This was the case the other night when my husband revealed "Michael Phelps: Push the Limit" was coming out for the 360 in the fall.  My response: Do you swim in first person or Speedo view? 

You yell "boost" to get an edge.  You hype the crowd by moving wildly.  You actually bend over to dive in.  You flail your arms to finish first.  Clearly, you need to be Richard Simmons to play this game.     

Now for a round of "would you rather..."

Would you rather watch your husband ride in Richard Simmons's sidecar or watch him play Michael Phelps?
Would you rather watch your husband give Richard Simmons a piggy back or watch him play Michael Phelps?
Would you rather watch your husband hold hands and skip with Richard Simmons or watch him play Michael Phelps?

These are tough choices.  I would love to watch them all.  But I choose Michael Phelps.  Start shaving, honey...

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Top 9 reasons why I watch video games

Top 10 lists are overdone and overrated, but Top 9 lists are the wave of the future.  How do I know?  The number 9 is way more sexy than the number 10.  Here is the first of my Top 9's for your pleasure:

Top 9 Reasons Why I Watch Video Games

9. The learning curve is too fracking frustrating to play
8. My husband looks particularly alluring in the video game playing position (approximately two inches of tush on the cushion, elbows on well spread knees, neck stretched as far forward as humanely possible, brow furrowed, lips pursed).
7. Who needs illegal substances when there is Mario Galaxy?
6. I am considering a career as a blue healing mage sprite pixy fairy
5. The "Assassin" looks fantastic perched on a spire and can fly like an eagle even though his "Creed" may be a bit questionable.
4. Coordinating camouflage
3. For the articles...right boys?
2. It's my living room too, I might as well "bust on some fools while we here."
1. My husband appreciates it.  I ask him questions.  He feels cool.  Kind of like when we watch football.  He asks me questions.  I feel cool.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

We're gonna have a good time

My birthday is coming up and I am throwing myself a big party.  Call me old fashioned, but we will neither play nor watch any video games at this gathering.  I believe we will still manage to have some fun.

My husband's birthday is coming up in a few months.  We will not be throwing him a big party so I want to be sure to mark the occasion appropriately.  Brainstorming has begun.

I know something he would really like: a PS3.

His console coveting has slowed down.  He waited in line all night to buy a PS2.  He drove all around Baltimore to find a Game Cube the day after it launched.  He nearly froze to death at the midnight release for the Wii.  He settled on a 360 after the second time around.  But he has only ever talked about a PS3.

Now, despite my "involvement" with video games I have never bought my husband anything video game related.  It is a line I have chosen not to cross.  It works for us.  However, I am willing to cross that line to ensure my husband's fourth decade is more pleasurable than his third.  The dilemma I am really facing is that if he owns a PS3 it pretty much guarantees he will play Battlefield 3.  

I just can't get into watching these schizophrenic, sensory overload, run around and shoot like its a penny a round, first person shooters.  I hide my face behind my Real Simple.  Bathing to Black Ops is not relaxing.  I long for simpler, quieter times.  I miss Rainbow Six Vegas 2.

I would lie on the couch, curled behind my husband.  I would wear the headset.  Not only did I get to bark orders to our friends, I got the dish on their new girlfriends.  I had a purpose.  I was comfortable.

So, I don't know.  I am just glad my husband also plays games like Puzzle Quest.  If he wants a PS3 as much as I think he does perhaps I will break down and buy it for him.  BF3 is coming out for the 360 anyway.  Maybe love is Battlefield.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Come peep with me

I live a typical life for a woman of my generation.  I own a home, two cars and a dog.  I have 2 young children.  My husband is an avid video gamer.

I never owned a video game console.  But now, thanks to nuptial law, I own all of Nintendo's systems, a PS1, a PS2 and a 360.  I respect my spouse's interests.  Though I willingly pick up his Wii-mote, I am not a player.  I use the 360 to stream Netflix and watch DVDs.  I have a gamertag, but no gamerscore.   

I have observed a lot about video gaming over the years.  Last night I learned that "you're giant", "just tap that", "whatever you have I don't want it" and "I want to hit you with my huge baseball bat" are common things to exclaim while playing Super Smash Bros. with your buddy.  I also learned I might need to be jealous of Samus.

Video gaming is a big part of my husband's life and therefore a big part of mine.  He works hard and loves us very much.  He even kind of watched Gilmore Girls with me today.  In return I can accept that our peaceful evenings may play out to the sounds of zombies being shot at from close range.

So, in part, this blog is for him.  Happy Father's Day, baby.  I hope you like it too.