QUIZ: What Your Man's Video Gaming Says About His Potential

A la Cosmopolitan, answer these questions to discover what really matters about your man: his video gaming personality.    

1. When did your man start playing video games regularly?

A. At a young age, possibly under the influence of a Japanese friend, or other socially awkward companion
B. In high school or college because every one else was staying up til 2am doing it
C. In the womb

2. When your man is playing what do you have to do to get his attention?

A. Stand directly in his field of view
B. Wait until he dies and then say his name sharply and loudly
C. Nothing, it is impossible to get his attention

3. What is your man playing right now?

A. Skyrim in an attempt to beat it before Mass Effect 3 comes out
B. Modern Warfare 3 in an attempt to put that 12-year-old online snot in his place
C. What is he not playing?

4. When your man is playing games what does he prefer you do?

A. Sit close by, provide positive feedback and help him solve the puzzles
B. Simply share a snack or do something you enjoy on your own
C. Leave the house

5. How many pieces of video game inspired clothing does your man own?

A. A few
B. None
C. That is all he owns


Mostly A's: Video Game Geek - your man may be obsessed, but he is super cute.
the good: his hobby is harmless.  he has plenty of room for you.
the bad: you may hear more about the adventures from his latest video game title than his actual life.
the bedroom: blow his mind with 8-bit inspired lingerie. 

Mostly B's: Video Game Gangsta - your man may be charged with testosterone, but he has found an acceptable outlet.
the good: his drive will equal success in all areas of life.  stick with him and reap the rewards.
the bad: he may be using video games to compensate for a self-assumed shortcoming.  
the bedroom: stroke his ego.  or controller.  or both. 

Mostly C's: Video Game Goner - your man may be lost, but you can still show him the way.
the good: he needs you. 
the bad: he might not notice you.
the bedroom: dress up as Laura Croft, Catwoman, Princess Peach or similar.


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Gamer dads - (Matthew W.)

If this blog has any sort of mission or deeper meaning (or point at all, really) I would say it is to encourage wives to support their gamer husbands.  It is easy to sit around drinking chick cocktails cackling in a chorus about how he can't do this or that.  How cliche!  It is challenging to embrace our husbands for all that they are especially since it is usually nothing like us.  But, I believe we must. 

If the broader focus of my blog is about supporting the gamer in your life, well then my subtitle is "people, this means even after you have kids."  It requires refined acrobatic skills to juggle a decent commitment to a hobby while being a parent (and a spouse.)  I only recently discovered that I actually have time for a hobby. 

My husband, on the other hand, has fluidly maintained several hobbies, and not at all to the detriment of his job or our family (I would rather he take any anger/anxiety/angst he might have out on zombies and the like anyway.)  I respect him deeply for this.

If you consider my husband a gamer dad, you must also label him a drummer, an audiophile, a burgeoning woodworker, and a condiment-happy cook.  He is well rounded and this is one reason why I love him.  On a certain level, I share his interest in music,"crafts" and the kitchen.  It's a level on which we can relate.  When it comes to video games, however, I have had to step a bit (and sometimes way) outside of myself and my own interests and abilities to appreciate his. 

But simply stated, watching him play has led me to this blog and, subsequently, this writing challenge.  Both of which have brought me closer to him and (maybe more importantly this time) me closer to me.

Stupid Hot Girls on G4 - (Mark L.)

The Voyeur is sick tonight.  She has a bug of some sort that has relegated her to bed, with nothing to do but softly moan.  That is usually something I am involved with, but alas, 'tis not so this time.

This is her husband typing.  I am not sure how to refer to myself. If she is the Video Game Voyeur, what am I?  The Voyee?  I guess the "Resident Gamer" will do.

She made it to 28 in her 30-day challenge.  I am confident she'll be back tomorrow to finish things off proper.  Now, on to the topic...

What is the purpose of "stupid hot girls" on G4?  It seems fairly obvious on the surface.  Get guys to watch.  Get geeky guys to think hot girls are into the same stuff they are.  Build self-esteem and viewership.  The question is: Why is it working?

Mostly these women just come off as irritating.  They do not appear credible.  They make me want to change the channel. Whoever is in control of this corporate image (because that's really what it is) even makes me want to leave their website.  Right now I'm at G4TV.com.  Over on the right side of the page they have some host of some show and a quote.  The current quote is supposedly from Candace Bailey. 

"We've tried shotguns, Molotovs, and grenades and the zombies keep coming.  Can't we just hug it out?"

That's frustrating in a way that I'm not sure how to describe.  Yet, people watch Attack of the Show.  The way shows and their hosts are marketed must be having some positive effect, or they wouldn't be doing it.  This leads me to be more upset with gamers in general, who flock to this junk.

Maybe I'm just getting old.  Maybe I'm just not the G4 core audience anymore.  After all, I'm 30, and have a job.  I have a wife and kids and very little time to be wasted.  Any spare time I do get, I want to spend doing something I enjoy like playing games or music. 

Let's turn the attention somewhere else for a moment.  My wife.  The Voyeur herself.  She is almost the complete opposite of stupid hot girls on G4.  She is smart.  She is genuine.  She doesn't pretend to know about what she's reading off the teleprompter.  However, she is also quite the little hottie.  If someone handed me a block of clay and told me to sculpt the perfect butt, I would make her butt. 

In other words: I have what I need, thank you. 

The video game impaired - (Caela C.)

To determine your video game age, answer these five questions.  Try to be as honest with yourself as possible:

1. Back in the day, did you press "A" and jump the video game controller at the same time?

2. Do you still forget to use the whammy bar in Guitar Hero?

3. Are you unable to pat your head and rub your tummy simultaneously?

4. Is button mashing your go to K.O. move?

5. Do you find yourself wanting to move forward, but looking upward instead?

Now, record the number of times you answered "yes" to the above questions.  Please note: if you answered "maybe" or "uh, I don't know," that counts as a yes.  Multiply that number by 113 (you do something like this in golf so it must be accurate), add your age and then subtract 12 (my favorite number.) 

Did any of you actually do it?

Mine is 132.  My video game age is 132.  That sounds about right. 

Food pairings with video games - (Matthew W.)

For inspiration (and because the hubs is out tonight at a meeting) I watched the Thanksgiving episode from the third season of Gilmore Girls.  Somehow, they overbook themselves and agree to attend four different dinners during the day.

Lorelai: Rory what are we if not the world's champion eaters?
Rory: It's too much food.
Lorelai: It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.
Rory: Or final hour.


Now, I enjoy eating, but not that much.  I am more of a grazer.  And, I shamelessly take advantage of the time my husband plays video games to eat what I avoid during the day for fear of having to share it with my toddler.

Beer - This is the official beverage of The Video Game Voyeur.  In the summertime I enjoy Corona.  In the winter my guilty pleasure is Woodchuck Cider (fake beer.)  Year round I choose Stella or Natty Boh (in a can in my purple Boh face cozy, thank you very much.)

Poor Man's Taco Dip - I did not invent this by any stretch, but I own it nonetheless.  Simply, this is sour cream, salsa, and shredded cheddar.  I don't know about you, but I don't have time for the four or so other layers.  Lime tortilla chips elevate this dish to satisfy any palette. 

Popcorn - First of all, I love popcorn.  It may be the perfect snack.  It is light, crispy, amazing for catching on your tongue and provides endless seasoning possibilities.  I am a fan of lightly salted or white cheddar.  Kettle corn is out.  Caramel corn is in.  Second, there is no shortage of popcorn in this house.  Unbeknownst to me (until recently), the Boy Scouts pimp popcorn like the Girl Scouts turn thin mints.  And, being an Eagle Scout himself, my husband has a soft spot for boys in uniform.  Ah, sadly, there was no better way to say that.  Long story short, we bought a lot of BSA popcorn this fall.

Oreos - Speaking of cookies, Oreos are by far my favorite.  I have never tried to make these at home because, well, they are perfect just the way they are.  While I am typically a savory snacker, I will always love me some cookies and milk.  The regular fat Oreos taste WAY better than the reduced fat, but you tend to forget that back at home.  Plus, if I get reduced fat I have permission to eat four instead of three and dunk them in the kid's whole milk instead of my usual skim.  I don't want to risk getting hungry in the middle of the night, do I?  No way, hons!

Back when I was in college - (Leisel A.)

Back when I was in college a gallon of unleaded gasoline cost roughly $1.50 and I only needed $5.50 to drive on the Pennsylvania Turnpike to get to school (Breezewood to Cranberry.)  I think both cost at least double now, only ten short years later. 

Don't worry I have absolutely no intention of waxing political or even economical on you.  I merely wanted to sound like an old lady.

Not that we have that out of the way, I feel the need to somehow sum up my entire collegiate experience in this one blog post.  Frankly, that is impossible.  Those four years were life changing for me as they are for most people.  I left home for the first time, almost moved back home after the first year, decided to stay after all, bonded with amazing people, changed my major, was "forced" to shop at Wal-Mart, and met my future husband. 

Though, come to think of it, there is one phrase I can employ to sum up college for you: Upper Class White Trash (UCWT.)  Before I elaborate, I must confess I am borrowing this idea from my good friend who coined it (she gave me permission to describe it here.)  I wish I had come up with it on my own.  It is classic.  It is exactly how college students live.  It describes what the inside of a tiny dorm room looks like (one that essentially costs 50 grand a year to live in.)  Maybe it would be more accurate to say middle class, but that's shrinking any way right?  (No politics, please.)

My favorite example is this: you know you are UCWT when you wear your 60 dollar bathing suit bottoms as under wear because you are too cheap to do laundry.  And one for the dudes (this one was not just inspired by my husband but precisely extracted from his college existence):  you know you are UCWT when you adhere a Pop Tart box to your bed post with orange duct tape to store all your various electronics remotes and controllers. 

Which gracefully (maybe) leads me to talk about my early days of video game voyeuring.  Since I did not grow up with video games (save my cousin's original NES and my neighbor's Sega), college was my first experience with their prevalence.  Yes, it was in those formative years that I developed a taste for not playing, but watching video games.  I guess you could call it the geek version of cheering on the jocks from the stands.  Though in my defense (and the gamer guys, too) I also quite enjoyed watching them all play frisbee as well.  With their shirts on, of course.

I just realized while proofreading, that it physically hurts me to read a sentence without a period  I can barely manage to keep on reading when they aren't there  Even when the double space is present and the other punctuation is intact, I highly desire the dot  Ugh, rereading this paragraph is barely short of torture

Our girls in 10 years (M. Kendall L.)

In ten years, our two little girls will be nearly 11 and 13.  They will be in the fifth and seventh grades respectively.  At the start of the following school year, they will be in middle school together.  Hopefully, they will be friends more often than not.  Maybe they will even share clothes and accessories.  Hmm, they might even be into makeup.  Oh jeez, they will be wearing bras at this age!  I sure hope we have more than one full bathroom by then.

In ten years, I pray that our older daughter still loves school as much as she does now (even though she has yet to start.)  I pray that she still loves her "orange" hair (though I hope she has outgrown correcting people when they call it red.)  I pray that she loves her sister, does not feel burdened by her, but still protects and teaches her freely.

I pray that our little one remains as laid back in her youth as she has been as a baby (that attitude will serve her, and her family, well as a preteen girl.)  I pray that she grows some hair by then (what blonde fuzz she currently has will not serve her well at this age.)  I pray that she loves her sister, does not feel forever in her shadow, but still emulates her willingly.

For my husband, I pray that our girls are pretty, but not too pretty.

Will they play sports?  Will they play music?  Will they like to read?  Will they like to write?  I don't want to project, but I hope they enjoy many things, all of these things and more.  Now...will they play video games?  I hope so, too.

I hope we will all play together.  I know my husband will certainly have a console or two or ten still lying around by then.  Maybe we will have a night set aside for video games.  Maybe we will all solve the puzzles together.  Maybe we will pop corn and make root beer floats and lie on floor pillows in front of the fire...

For me, I pray that our girls still want to hang out with us then like they do now.